There are some things that I know I'm bad at. However, there are things I'm good at too-- probably not as many as the bad, but I take a lot of pride at what I do well. Probably too much pride.
Such as debate.
We had districts yesterday--the national qualifiers. My event requires a lot of research, and a capability to redistribute that research in a seven minute speech. It's called Extemp. You don't know what your topic will be until thirty minutes before.
Yeah. Well.
I made it further than I thought.
And then I panicked.
It was nine at night, I was tired, cranky, and I got I topic I knew NOTHING about.
So. I lost. At something I'm usually relatively good at. I don't know that I've ever been this mad at myself. It wasn't that I did my best and lost; I could handle that.
I did my worst, and deserved to lose. I think that's so much more horrifying.
So. My pride is sorely beaten.
I guess it happens in writing, too, though? I mean, sending of manuscripts before they're ready, and then getting rejected. Typos in a query. Even publishing a book and then realizing there were parts you could have done better.
*Sigh.*
We've all got to go through it, I suppose. But dang, it sucks.
5 comments:
IKNOWEXACTLYHOWYOUFEEL.
The same (well, not QUITE) thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I'm supposed to be amazing at debate, and I don't think I'm half bad. Unfortunately, I kind of squandered my time and wasn't as prepared as I should have been. Then, I sort of inwardly choked under the stress and I lost >.< I was POed at myself for sure. It was the first debate I'd ever lost >.<
Sometimes all you can do is use the bad feeling to remember to do better. Yeah, you messed up, but all you can do now is refuse to let it get you down :)
Next time will be better.
~Kendra
Yeah, that sounds familiar. :/ I didn't prepare. I normally am pretty good at rambling coherently, but ... Yeah, I choked.
And yes, the feeling will be quite a wonderful motivator. Next time will be better. Next time, I am so not going to choke.
I'm pretty good at faking things like that...and if I'm ever really caught up in a horrible situation...ummm....I think I would apologize? 'Cuz I have a tendency to do that when in fight-or-flight. Yeah, they'd look at me strangely. I'm kinda used to that by now, though...
On second thought, I might have used my speech time to talk about what I cared about. Then you can let people whisper "I guess she didn't get the message" behind your back and just smile like you did nothing wrong.
*evil little sister taking over...*
At least debate is over now, right? ;D I'm gonna go do HW then revise my first few chapters...AGAIN. And maybe query. If I have time. If an agent can't stop me from procrastinating, then I don't know what can. :p
Hah, I'm usually good at faking it. Usually. I just rambled. Sigh.
Yeah, you're right; at least it's over for now. It's really fun, though, so it's also kind of sad. Plus, you know...I like trophies. :P
Procrastinate? Pft. It's how things get done. For instance, I should be doing my math homework right now. That, however, would just not work. So, instead, I do this.
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