Letter to An Evil Nasty Thing

Dear Snake,

I'm sorry. I've never liked you. You are ugly and slithery, and once, my 6th grade teacher made me hold you. She thought it would build my character. My character might have buffed up, but dude, did I hate you. So much.
But I totally didn't mean to kill you.
Seriously. I didn't.
I thought you were a stick.
It was late. There were sticks all over the road; tree cutters had been there.
And then my car was closing in...
And then you started thrashing.
And I'm pretty sure I ran over your head.
...
I totally didn't mean to. I even screamed a little. Now I'm feeling this hideous guilt, despite the fact that you are nasty and ugly. I'm reminded of that one anime, Fruits Basket (Hush, reader. My sister liked it.) and the snake from the Chinese Zodiac.
...

I'm pretty sure you didn't look like that, though. I'd put a picture of what you really looked like, but quite honestly, you creep me out too much.
-ponders- Maybe you were that copperhead that scared the crap out of me last spring, that made me scream and run across the road. Maybe I killed you. Wouldn't that be funny?Well. Maybe not funny.
Anyway. I'm sorry. Really sorry. I've been having nasty snaky dreams. And I started randomly adding a snake into my story.
Yeah. The story about, um, soldiers. And chemicals. And science fiction.
So, basically, there's no room for a snake.
Snake. I'm sorry that I killed you. I'm sorry that I only saw your body for like, two seconds, and the next time I came back, it was gone, because that probably means some hillbilly put you on a cowboy hat. Rest in peace.
And please, let me rest in peace too. Because if I have to wake up one more time thinking about snakes, I'm going to never sleep again. And that would not be pretty.
My apologies, Creepy Evil Nasty Thing,
Very sincerely,
Truly repentant,
Sam

(P.S. Readers! I feel as if you are still laughing at my addiction to commercial anime. In my defense,
I was thirteen. I was in love with this guy;

and I also urge you to remember that I am being haunted by a snake. So you can't mock me too much.)
More later. Or not, if the stupid snake won't go away.